This is a very special follow up interview with Cory Van Duren. If you haven’t read this post about his lovely wife Kym and their journey through infertility, please, please do.
Their story is so real and relatable. I hope that whether you’re experiencing your own infertility or have a friend who is, that you’ll find hope & inspiration through their story.
Oh! Also, don’t forget to check back next week for part 2 of my conversation with Kym. We talk going back to work, postpartum depression, and her trick to creating harmony in her life (insert angels singing here).
LLH: When you got the call from Kym that she was cramping at work, how did you react?
Cory: “My immediate response was to be the stable and reasonably optimistic one. I just wanted to be there for her and show strength regardless of the outcome.”
LLH: How did you cope personally?
Cory: “[…] no matter how many times [we had a loss] or what the circumstance was, I stuck to the fact that a woman’s body is advanced enough & smart enough to not hold on to a pregnancy that’s not viable. You will get the perfect child at the perfect time. It just doesn’t seem like it along the way.”
LLH: How did you keep your marriage strong during such a difficult time?
Cory: “It was a little bit hard at times to stay hopeful but it was worth it ten fold in the end.”
LLH: Any advice for things dad’s can do to be supportive during a time like this?
Cory: “My only advice is be what your spouse needs you to be. Kym doesn’t like to be hugged when she is really emotional and I know that, so I just stay close and be her rock.”
LLH: How did you communicate about your feelings through the miscarriage and the ectopic pregnancies?
Cory: “I would only receive input from her and respond. I am not a big “feelings” guy. With that said, I personally decided my feelings should be a second priority to hers since it was her body and soul struggling with infertility. My concern was her, not me.”
LLH: What advice would you give a couple struggling to conceive?
Cory: “It will happen when it does. The more pressure you put on yourself, the harder it will be. Just go to whatever place you need to to find peace. That sounds really cheesy but the truth is only you know what your specific situation is.”
LLH: What was it like seeing Kennady’s heartbeat for the first time?
Cory: “I barely remember because it was just the beginning of our amazing adventure. I will say it was hard for me to be as excited [as Kym] because I was ‘waiting’ to [meet] her in person. Her very first nickname came from that day though….When we heard that amazing heartbeat, we called her Thumper.”
LLH: What were Kym’s cravings during her pregnancy?
Cory: “TACO TIME…..EVERYDAY…..FOR AT LEAST A MONTH”
LLH: Can you give some advice to other husbands/partners who may notice their partner has signs of postpartum depression?
Cory: “This one is hard for me to relate to considering she is such an independent and confident woman. She knew something wasn’t quite the same as it was [before] and she wanted it to be better. So she sought out assistance without me having to ask her if she needed or wanted my help.”
LLH: What advice would you give partners to supporting their a working mom/partner?
Cory: “It is easier said than done but do the little things… And then don’t tell her that you did them…Pick up your dirty laundry and put it in the hamper, Fold the clean laundry and put it away, finish the dishes that are drying on the counter, anything that would or could be done by either of you.”
LLH: What’s your favorite thing about Kym?
Cory: “To put it simply: the effect she has on me and my life. I have become, without a doubt, a far better person since the day I met her. She makes me want to continually strive to be the man she deserves and the best possible father to our daughter…..Or her drunk girl dance moves….They are a close second.”
LLH: What has it been like to watch her become a mom?
Cory: “She puts so much compassion into raising our daughter. Not to mention that the consideration of her future in all aspects of learning and growing is always clearly her priority. I also believe it has brought Kym even closer to her own Mom because she’s realized what it took to raise 4 kids [on her own] to be the adults they are today.”